Learning to Love Herself Again by Vanessa Houk

0604.Joy.02
739 words

Three hundred pounds lighter, a Medford woman is
Learning to Love Herself Again

By Vanessa Houk

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Dating was the last thing on her mind as she struggled with her weight, earned a living and raised two boys on her own.

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For Kathy Villa of Medford, learning to love herself has been a lifelong journey. And like the adage goes, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” For most of her adult life, Kathy has battled obesity. Dating was the last thing on her mind as she struggled with her weight, earned a living and raised two boys on her own. But today, she is conquering her battle and as she does, doors of opportunity are opening at every corner.

Three years ago Kathy underwent gastric bypass surgery, which proved a life-saving decision. Before surgery, she weighed 480 pounds and has now lost close to 300 pounds. As her weight dropped, she learned to understand herself along the way. "Life is good," she says. "It's always been good, but when I weighed more I had to make adjustments. I'd go to one of my son’s games and I couldn't sit on the bleachers. I had to bring my own chair. Or I’d go into a restaurant and have to know which booth had a table that could be moved. Even seat belts were a problem. I don't have to worry about any of those things anymore."

Some things have stayed the same. She still has the love and support of her two grown sons and a rewarding job as an English as a Second Language teacher for Medford School District 549C, but now she has the energy to enjoy life again.

While there are risks associated with surgery, Kathy has had no problems so far. "I've had no ill effects from the surgery, but even if I were to find out that I was going to die tomorrow, I still wouldn't change anything. My life is so much more rewarding and active than it has ever been. Sometimes other people seem to fear surgery. They think it is too drastic. Maybe they’re afraid of what they think they’ll have to give up. Or some people tell me that they would be worried about having loose skin, as if that is worse than obesity. How can that be? I don't understand that. I was dying and this gave me my life back. My only regret is that I didn't choose to have the surgery 20 years earlier." She has even learned how to enjoy some of her favorite foods without feeling deprived: "You can have anything you want; you just don’t eat as much of it."

Kathy says that before surgery, she didn’t allow herself to see she had a problem. "It was almost like filtering; I just didn't see that the weight was an issue. Sometimes people will ask how could I let myself get that way—as if anyone would choose to weigh 500 pounds. That really bugs me. They don't understand how you can become trapped by weight." And she remembers the myriad of health problems that plagued her, including diabetes. Her experience has made her more tolerant of other people and empathetic to them. "Whatever happens to you in your life helps shape how you treat other people and how you interact with them," she says.

One of the rewards of losing weight is a renewed self-confidence. "Friends say I should start thinking about dating again, but I'm not quite where I want to be just yet and it is easier to put it off."

Divorced for many years now, she admits her standards are high. "It would have to be right," she says. He’d have to be "healthy, no drugs or alcohol and the right man would have to have so much in common with me now. I don't know if there is someone out there who would do things my way. Maybe I’m too independent to share my life right now, but if I did, he would have to be a good match."

Since she loves sports, she's considering taking up fly-fishing as another way to get out and meet people. "I can see myself out in an inner tube on the river, but I can't quite picture it beyond that. I'm scared I would probably get my line stuck," she jokes. For now, she is planning a vacation to Hawaii and looking forward to exploring and walking along the beach. "Everything is opening up for me that way. I think I will probably even be a better tourist now." Who knows, maybe love is just around the corner.